After All, What Is A Whore?
by TearCat
Summary: SxN,NxS This ache is me. This empty bottle of today's numb is me...and so is this undeniable urge to undo. Language, self harm, angst, angst, angst. FINISHED will be edited soon
1. To Fall

Hello! i haven't slept for 24 hours at least, and it's seven in the morning. Somehow, I got this. shrugs Who knows right? The song is Fine Again by Seether. This isn't really a song fic, I don't think. It's probably going to be in two parts. Maybe, _maybe_ three. My last one majorly sucked, I know. Um, that was also sleep induced. They usually are.

Also! Warnings: YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI/SLASH, whatever you want to call it, it here. It will be here majorly in the next one too. language. Naru-chan swears alright? i like me swear words! I loosened it a bit though. Also, OOC-ness, probably. Naruto is what i like to picture him as an insomniac on robbitusin and really not so stupid, okay? he's a ditz, if you ask me, not stupid. Biiiig difference. (I would know lol) and, I'm kinda worried about the Sakura thing. I'm making her clingy and annoying, or maybe, bitchy, some might call it. It just fit. If you want me to pair her with someone else, i will. Cause, I don't hate her, i just love naru-chan.

And, i spent like and hour and a half lookin at cold medicine and side effects and stuff... TIRING! But i'm not so sure on some stuff. so yeah.

_text-Naruto's thoughts_

_"text"- song lyrics_

text- regular text. duh.

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_Start part one: **Robitussin**_

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_"It seems like every day's the same  
and I'm left to discover on my own  
It seems like everything is gray  
and there's no color to behold  
They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah  
Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here"_

Of course, no one expects the demon burden on the village to make it anywhere. I was given something, they say, that is me. I never decided this, after all, this village made me who I am. Right? That's what's logical. People usually can say, that labels and conformists are just for fake people. Tell me, how do you know who you are? Are you not just pieces of everyone else, just fragments pieced together by those with the power? That's what it all comes down to.

Power.

The prostitute on the street corner feels dirty, no? She feels weak. She carries other people's shame. She carries a label; she's exactly what people can stand against. But look, you know how she got where she is? She was always being what everyone wanted, being a toy to what they could spend their selfish desires on. Not just sex, no it never started with that.

It was success.

Then perfection.

Then people told her what to do, who she was.

She took their burdens.

They destroyed what she had, and made what they wanted.

Whether she wanted this or not.

But she grew up. And look at her now, being exactly what is the ultimate low. She is doing exactly what she grew up to be. The used.

Now look at me. What do you see? Happy, yearning for attention, dieing to be Hokage blonde?

You are looking. Not seeing.

All you see is a mask, and no one wants to see past it. No one wants to take the time to try to heal me. Not even when I can't heal myself. You know why?

People are selfish. This Village, it is the very essence of people's weakness. Of their hate. Of everything that makes me who I am.

Or, at least, the exterior.

Because in the end, I am not but a used ghost to this village.

A whore.

How can I solve this? What can I possibly do, possibly _say _to a _village _that would make them see this? Make them see the dark that is their light? Possibly see that black and white are not but balance, but to control us?

Nothing. So, all I do? Live in this Hell? Just, take it? What do you suggest to a weak whore of burden, who can't even heal himself in time of total self masked destruction do to right _all of humanity's wrongs? _

Not a god damn thing. All I can do is close. After all, if I am not fine, I can make no one fall with me that somehow cared. In some way…

_"And I am aware now of how  
everything's gonna be fine one day  
Too late, I'm in hell I am prepared now,  
seems everyone's gonna be fine  
One day too late, just as well"_

"And today the sun rose." I whispered to myself, staring out the dirty window, my voice and lips cracked from morning and lack of sleep. I didn't recognize my own voice. "Would you just see… tomorrow is just the yesterdays that no one will allow you?" It just flew into my head, and I blanked for a moment, just letting the rush of emotion drain as much as possible. "Uh…" I groaned my heavy eyelids still wouldn't grant me sleep. "Isn't that like a song or somethin'?" My voice faded in and out, and my jaw ached like it did whenever someone would tell me something I knew would lead to me saying something I would regret. "Oh man…"

_I knew I shouldn't have tried so much cold medicine to make me sleep… _I stared at the half empty bottle of Robitussin lying next to my bed. _Damn._

_Only a few teaspoons my ass._

"Oh, Sakura," I just looked up at her, and I just felt this deep realization, _It's just, Sakura._ It was just like that. "Huh."

"What do you want runt?" she snapped at me and ground her teeth not even really looking at me; obviously she couldn't get her eyes off Sasuke. _Sasuke…_ I turned my head to look at him, and I felt this wispy feeling, and I'm just frowning slightly, wondering why my brain is feeling so light again. _This was supposed to stop with the Benadryl… thought I was going to get addicted to the damn stuff though… _

I found that it was a lot harder to grin this mourning, and I wondered if I was slipping a little. _Well obviously I have always been out of it in some way, but not like I will just suddenly be stared at instead of glares. _I did manage it though. I mean, this was Sakura. Like she gave shit about me right now. Then I turned and once my face was out of site I let it melt off like always. I leaned heavily on the side of the wooden rail as how my physical form was practically dead. _What the fuck? I'm literally exhausted, but not tired? Screw the side effects, I'm taking Benadryl later…_

A few minutes past. Then an hour…then two. We where running on three here.

I could still hear Sakura behind me, grinding her teeth, and then glaring seemed to set more in my general direction. "Son of a…" I mumbled. My brain felt like it was screaming. I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just turned avoiding Sasuke's eyes, to Sakura I just glared. She blinked. "Stop looking at me." My voice seemed dead like my body felt. I slumped against the rail and put my head into my knees, into a sitting position, and wrapped my hands around my legs. _Oh shit…_

"What's wrong dobe?" both Sakura and I turned to look at him, Sakura more surprised than me. Obviously he wouldn't even talk to her earlier. He was frowning, and I felt like he was trying to see _in_ me. _Oh man… _

I coughed. "Uh," cue grin, "just a cold Sasuke-teme." _Oh man, oh man…stop looking at me like that! _"Why you ask?" He didn't move at all, but opened his mouth to speak.

_"I feel the dream in me expire  
and there's no one left to blame it on  
I hear you label me a liar  
'cause I can't seem to get this through  
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah  
Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here"_

"Sorry I'm late." _Oh, thank you, Kakashi, my savior! _

Sakura blinked again. Then as if she was rebooted, she turned still looking slightly surprised, "You're late!"

"Uh…yeah…" _I wonder. When does he really think of these excuses?_

"Just saw a very handsome person in need of my assistance…" _Does he?_

Sakura ignored this, as did I, in my insomniac induced sort of state. It clicked about five minutes later and then I understood why Sasuke blinked, and then sort of have the shadow of a smirk flick across his face as he turned away. "Huh." _Well aren't I just the chatterbox this morning? Get you're act together…_

"What the hell are we doing?" I voiced my thoughts as we entered the forest, for I had been only semi-conscious during his little speech after his excuse.

"Training dobe." Sasuke's monotone voice grunted in front of me. _Wow, he's almost talking more than me huh? _

"I wasn't asking you Sasuke-teme." I heard myself say, my tone said he got a rise out of me, and I was only half sure my face mirrored it. _Whate'er…_ I used every bit of my insomniac-will to keep my feet from grounding too loudly on the ground.

I half dragged, half drifted over to the front of our little group, and Sasuke's eyes glided over to mine quickly, and I almost stopped walking when he looked at me. Sasuke looked…

…worried?

Just like that, I could see his mask slip back on. "Dobe." _Sasuke…_

Then, just like that, we where there. Training grounds. "My mind was still reeling slightly over Sasuke…

"Alright, Sasuke, Naruto." _Hm? _I turned and felt a wave of dizziness slip over me.

"Eh…" Sasuke frowned slightly, and his eyes had a mix of the almost worried look again and I smirked a little at the Sasuke in front of me…_Oh Sasuke…Sasuke, Sasuke…_

"What's wrong Sasu-chan?" I blinked my wide eyes at him and at the same time, his eyes widened. I stepped closer and his onyx eyes filled my thoughts…"Scared?"

And then nothing.

_"And I'm not scared now.  
I must assure you,  
you're never gonna get away  
And I'm not scared now.  
And I'm not scared now. No…"_

_

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End Part One…

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Reviews are chicken and _Dumpling_ soup for my soul! Um, yes. First part a rant that i also rant, connected to little Naru-chan, then normal day. Insomniacs UNITE!


	2. To Run

Catch me as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drives me

Into madness

I know I can stop the pain

If I will it all away

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

I'm frightened by what I see

But somehow I know

That there's much more to come

Immobilized by my fear

And soon to be

Blinded by tears

I can stop the pain

If I will it all away

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices at my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me I fear

She beckons me

Shall I give in

Upon my end shall I begin

Forsaking all I've fallen for

I rise to meet my end

Don't turn away

(Don't give in to the pain)

Don't try to hide

(Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn out the light

(Never sleep never die)

It's kinda funny, how things work out. Here I am, sitting here, and I have no idea where here is. The room is dark and rather plain looking. I'm just wishing that someone would just do something, because I was feeling like time had frozen. Slowly, as realization dawned on me of where I was, my panic seemed to rise, I felt like I was drowning, suffocating almost. _A hospital!_

Then Sasuke entered.

He sort of had that twist to him, how he would show up right when something critical was about to happen. Then he sort of made it more dramatic, or made me forget what I was doing entirely. I always wondered about his effect on me… I turned and stared at him.

He only looked at me for a moment before he started speaking. His face was the picture of concealed emotion. He even went so far to bite his lip.

"Why are you not sleeping? Or eating? I know you aren't sleeping, you have it all over your movements…What's _wrong_ with you?" My eyes widened slightly. _What?_ He let it out in a controlled rush that was soft, and almost hesitant. Like he didn't want an answer. _No one ever wants the reason._ It was the harsh simple truth on me. On everything I did, felt, spoke. _No one ever wants the reason. _Then he said something that made my mouth open slightly. _Oh my…no_.

"Why would you hurt yourself?"

_The golden question._ I breathed the air I had been holding since I woke. Then I felt myself crash slightly for the first time in a long time… the other time was with Sasuke too… I only hoped he never would see it in my eyes. _I am so much weaker than him_. My wrists itched and my heart was in my throat. I could feel my jaw aching. _Oh shit. Just relax, there has to be some reason for this. Reason…_ Sasuke was staring right into my eyes, and I felt déjà vu. _What? _Oh. Everything came flooding back to me, and I became aware my mouth was still open from my deep breath. I could feel everything in the air, and my heart rate sped up, and my jaw ached with a fury. _Sasuke… _He was all I could breathe, all I could see…all I could feel. His presence seemed to almost come off in waves… _Is this why everyone is so captivated by him? Even…even me?_ I couldn't think straight… all I could think was a soft heart beat; the heart beat in my ears, the rush of my blood. _His eyes are so deep…_

"Sasuke… what are you doing to me?"

It was like a dam broke, the cold rush in my gut, the empty harsh pressure behind my eyes, the catch in my inhale, and I grabbed at my middle. _Why does my heart hurt so much? _My eyes widened slightly more, and my breathing hitched again._ He's making me feel! All at once… I'm…I'm falling in love aren't I? Falling in love… with the Uchiha Sasuke. And… and it wouldn't change anything. _

_It wouldn't change a thing._

And then I stopped. Everything… It just stopped. All I could feel was the lone heart beat.

_I can't let you hate me Sasuke… please… I'll tell you whatever you want to hear…just don't hate me._

I closed my eyes. _Don't do this to me Sasuke_…

"It doesn't matter." _Lie._ "I don't do it any more." _Another lie. _"Besides, it's just me. Same old Naruto…except now you know some baggage, that's all…besides, mine is no where near as bad as yours." And I really believed it. In my heart I knew Sasuke had to have it worse. Yet…he never did this to himself. He never fell apart inside right? "You are so much stronger than me Sasuke…"

"Why…?" Sasuke was suddenly close. I could feel him breathing in my air._ His air now. His air. _

_Then where is mine?_

Sasuke hadn't moved. I opened my eyes. I was staring into his. I could only see shock… and like I was the other Uchiha himself. Itachi is dead Sasuke. What is your purpose now? Who is you most important person? _Does this mean I also caused you pain? It's funny, you look so angry, and here I am, hoping for nothing, _but dieing for everything. _I can't stay here. You can't see me break… Because that's the only lie I have left untold isn't it? I never could stand as tall as you Sasuke…I'm always the first to fall…No matter how many times I could beat you in fights…I always would hhave fallen first… and you can't see that can you?_

_You've always been better Sasuke. You never had to beat me._

_You have already won…_

I stood from the bed so my back was facing him, and my world tilted, then righted sharply.

"It's kinda funny isn't it? How it works? Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it? How the silence is always so more suffocating and clear than words? You taught me that." A shaky laugh. A small bead of blood from my bit lip. I took a breath and held it.

"Naruto…" That was all it took for me. Just his voice… and it was my trigger.

It was all it took to make me run.


	3. Tainting You

**Story:** After All, What is a Whore?

**Rated:** T for language and thoughts of over all self harm

**Chapter 3**: Tainting You

**Summary:** How can you handle knowing you will never be able to look straight at the sun, and know that the lies are all you have?

**Pairings: **SasukexNaruto, KakashixIruka (light bits if you're looking for it…actually it's blaring. Who could possibly have a problem with that? It's adorable! ((cough)) um getting off track…) Any others you have a strange craving for. Or me. Ask!

Text-text (obviously (rolls eyes))

_Text-_thinking.

**A/N:** I'm trying to be more professional I hope this works… this is turning out to be multi-chaptered; I thought this would stop at 2 chapters, but this seems to have turned into something! O.o My knew nickname is beanie-chan sometimes:D I wrote some of this at like, 2 in the morning, and my mom was talking in her sleep… O.O and then at 6:13 in the morning _another_ day… So, I'm pretty screwed up right now. The quote… they're from tc, and she feels kick-ass right now. She is in my head… the song is Blackbird, by the Beatles. It starts in Sasuke's view. Like, back in time farther. With Naruto, except in Sasuke's view. Uh…you'll see.

(another) **A/N:** I decided it was kinda weird no one was around…even if it's in the rain, so I added Iruka. I don't know if the Iruka/Kakashi is going to go anywhere…probably not. I also watched Naruto, and I suddenly have this thing for Hinata. I giggle whenever she swoons over Naruto. I see a pairing craving in the making… O.o Oh, and sorry for the delay! I've probably scared off all my readers…I've been depressed lately… Gomen! (bows deeply, Sasuke kicks over) Itai! .

**Sasuke**: Shut the Hell up and let them read it!

**Naruto**: Yeah!

**Me (beanie-chan)**: (rubs butt in pain, grins anyway) Bwahaha! I knew you wanted it!

**Sasuke**: …er… (shifty eyes) …uh… (grabs Naruto and runs)

**Naruto**:D

**Beanie-chan**: Bwahaha:D Yes Sasuke… You had to give in some time! (grabs camera)

…

Now here is the story. XD

Start part 3

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_"…and here I am. living the unlived life. and I feel fine… cause hey, at least I didn't get hit by that truck like you." –tc_

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive  
Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly  
Into the light of a dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly  
Into the light of a dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

**

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**

**Sasuke (this is in 3rd person… kinda. And it is a bit of what he was thinking earlier so…no confusion)**

Sasuke took a deep shaky breath and set his hand on the handle of the hospital room door. He felt his insides stinging and he felt his heart tightening and burning in his chest. He leaned forward and rested his head on the door. He sighed and his face fell into a resigned expression. His head felt calming against the cool door, and rested his whole body against the door. It probably would look strange for the nurse or anyone else to see him standing there, in that position. Personally, Sasuke didn't give a shit.

He sighed again, and his head whirled with thoughts of Naruto. He told anyone who asked or gave him strange looks that it was simply because of the team. He was a team mate. Of course he cared. He frowned again, thinking of the look Kakashi had given him. _Humph. Thought he was so great now that he's with Iruka. He's so conceited. _Sasuke literally rolled his eyes, and huffed in a out of character way, just thinking about it.

Naruto.

He sighed again, louder, as though the action would make his mind clearer. He felt his mind roam, unwillingly, to the subject again… Not thinking, he slammed his fist against the door, above the handle he had just been holding. "Dammit Naruto," he whispered harshly. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."

He bit his lip and clenched his hands into fists. "Dobe…" He had sighed, when he heard a noise behind his door. _Is he…awake? _His lightly shaking, pale hand clenched the door knob, and he stumbled in, and he saw Naruto, sitting up in the bed, staring at his wrists, looking over whelmed, like he was almost… desperate.

His eyes where, too quickly for Sasuke, on him, and he suddenly lost all train of thought. He suddenly was asking him questions he had so desperately tried not to think of before, just with those big blue eyes on him.

Just with Naruto.

"Why are you not sleeping? Or eating? I know you aren't sleeping, you have it all over your movements…What's _wrong_ with you?" his voice was broken and pleading, but he hoped he didn't notice. At the moment, he only cared about Naruto. His eyes seemed to have gotten wider at all of this, and Naruto again seemed panicky. But he only looked desperate again when Sasuke asked the most important question.

"Why… why would you hurt yourself?"

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**(A/N: I know I know! But I put this in because Sasuke's view is important ((I think)) to this story. Obviously, when It's SasuNaru! I mean, Really! cough um, continue…)**

**Naruto**

The air was clear and cool to my burning body, the rain biting, and soaking through my clothes quickly. My teeth didn't chatter, but my whole body was shaking slightly, but everywhere so it was overwhelming. I could feel it in my joints, and I could feel the rain sliding underneath my bandages on my wrists, and slipping under my drawstring sweats. My hands shook the most violently and I tore at my bandages, my insides screaming. _I can't take this! _I almost tripped and fell to the gravel like road, but caught myself in time. My breathing was ragged, and I wondered, for all it's worth, why it had started to poor. _It's cold enough for snow almost_… the air seemed to freeze just with my thoughts. _Ugh…I have to find a place to hide… _I sobbed and put my face into my hands. _Just wait… someone might see you._ I landed on my knees and fell to my hands. I felt so tired… I lifted my head and shifted and felt the soreness run through my knees and my hands. Then the thought struck me to go into the forest, and find a cave. _But how will I get there when someone might see…?_

"Naruto?"

I looked up. "Oh. Iruka-sensei! Hi." I laughed shakily and mentally slapped myself. _I must look horrible…_

"Naruto? What? Kakashi said that you passed out in training… what are you doing here?" He looked so worried. My heart twisted and my eyes burned slightly. _Where's your self control? Get yourself together! _

"Uh…oh, nothing Iruka-sensei. I just kinda…fell." _Oh yeah. Smooth. That sounds logical! _I winced at the sarcastic voice ringing in my sore blonde head. My wrists itched more. _I have to leave!_

I laughed shakily again as he looked doubtful and really worried.

"Do you want to get ramen and relax? You look like you've lost a life or something…" _Oh…if it where only that simple. All my problems would be cake! _

"Oh Iruka-sensei, you kidder," I laughed half heartedly, and slowly got to my slightly trembling knees, then on my feet, and concentrated on not swaying. _How** long** was I out? _I coughed lightly and said lightly as possible, "Ah, Iruka-sensei I do not feel very well…" I coughed into my sleeve for effect. I shivered slightly from the cold_. Sasuke is going to find me if I don't leave soon! _I looked down. _And I don't think I could handle that…_

"Naruto? Giving up Ramen? You poor thing…you must be deathly ill." I raised an eyebrow at him, _I mean who could be so mother hen-ish in the pouring rain?_

_Oh right. Iruka._

My wrists itched impatiently, and I put my hands behind my back. I coughed more and mumbled hurriedly about having "to get home, out of the rain…" and I quickly shuffled by him coughing a little more until I was out of site. I turned and looked to see if he was looking at me, and when I saw he wasn't I turned down an alley. I looked up for only a moment, watching rain fall into my eyes. _This is where I belong._

_I can't see you quite clearly, Sasuke. I could never see you quite clearly… You can't look into the Sun, so perfect and strong with itself, so why could I look at you…? _Thoughts seemed to drift into my head, and I remembered the first time I had wished Sasuke would hold me, like I had never admitted I wanted from anyone. A song drifted into my mind… "…take these broken wings and learn to fly…" my dry broken lips sang quietly.

"…into the light of the dark black night…" Tears fell down my face, burning and stinging in my eyes…_angry tears? No…_ I sighed. _Have I lost hope?_ "You have just been waiting, for this moment to arrive." Sasuke is… an avenger. You can't turn your back on that. What am I to him, we've grown older, he's got no Itachi to kill, and I am fighting for something I don't believe in…" I closed my eyes and whispered into the night before turning away, "The very worst part of Sasuke is…"

"Me."

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A/N: This seems short…I will write more, promise! I write and write, but I keep re-writing it and stuff… If you want this to actually have a interesting plot say so, because I have one I know would probably work with this… The last thing he says involves it. Really. This isn't totally wandering aimlessly like a mosquito that you want to BURN ALIVE! cough cough I mean, I have plans. Shocked, neh? PLANS FOR THIS STORY! gasps aloud, falls off chair

Sasuke: You lie. Naruto steps out from behind

Naruto: O.O As long as I don't die…

Beanie-chan: Heh… who ever said that?

Sasuke: My kunai looks so… nice with red… who volunteers? Ami?

Beanie-chan: I told you, don't use my name! JUST 'CAUSE I'm PARANOID DOESN'T MEAN THEY"RE NOT AFTER ME! (shifty eyes)

Sasuke: O.o

Naruto: o.O

Beanie-chan: (cough) um, yeah.

…

…

Please review! xD


	4. To Decide

**Story:** **After All, What is a Whore?**

**Rated:** T for language and thoughts and actions of over all self harm. These chapters' may be soon borderline M for self harm. Just warning ya.

**Chapter 4**: **To Decide**

**Summary:** How can you handle knowing you will never be able to look straight at the sun, and know that the lies are all you have? How can you know that you have changed all you have ever known for one person…and this person may truly hate you?

**Pairings: **SasukexNaruto, KakashixIruka (light bits if you're looking for it…actually it's blaring. Who could possibly have a problem with that? It's adorable! cough um getting off track…)

**Disclaimer!(I totally forgot about this. Damn**): Let it go people. Me. No. Own. I'm still coping with the realization.

**A/N:** I am skipping the fact that they are missing. Just so everyone knows. They are officially missing. It's just because… uh…because I'm lazy. Screw it! Screw it, I say! I have more reviews…sobs happily I love my reviews! I keep every single one… (shifty eyes) every single one… xD I'm so creepy! O, Nirvana made the first, and Linkin Park made the second song… and I don't try to make it song fics. Nope. I listen to these songs, and it makes me sad. … yep. Inspiration, I say:D I shall not keep you…I babble. A lot. x3

**A/N (another one**): This isn't incest. Maybe slightly…but not really. It just seemed more beautiful and real this way. I know this took forever...and I'm really, really sorry. Lately life's been bad. And i've been away. I'm sorry.

Text-text (rolls eyes)

_Text-_thoughts

**_Text_**-memories (…thoughts of memories…)

**Text**-dream

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Something in the Way**

Underneath the bridge  
The tarp has sprung a leak  
And the animals I've trapped  
Have all become my pets  
And I'm living off of grass  
And the drippings from the ceiling  
It's okay to eat fish  
'Cause they don't have any feelings

Something in the way…

**With You**

I woke up in a dream today  
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor  
Forgot all about yesterday  
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore  
A little taste of hypocrisy  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react  
Even though you're so close to me  
You're still so distant  
And I can't bring you back

It's true the way I feel  
Was promised by your face  
The sound of your voice  
Painted on my memories  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you

You, now I see, keeping everything inside  
with you  
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back  
We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still  
Fine line between this and that  
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real  
I'm trapped in this memory  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react  
So even though you're close to me  
You're still so distant  
And I can't bring you back

It's true the way I feel  
Was promised by your face  
The sound of your voice  
Painted on my memories  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you

You, now I see, keeping everything inside  
with you  
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes  
With you  
You, now I see, keeping everything inside  
with you  
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes

**ag·o·ny** (g-n)

_n._ _pl._ **ag·o·nies**

**1. **The suffering of intense physical or mental pain.

**2. **The struggle that precedes death.

**3. **A sudden or intense emotion: _an agony of doubt._

**4. **A violent, intense struggle

-The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first part is Naruto's thoughts again. In the 'future' if you will. Like the whole whore thing. Comprende? And the other part with Sasuke is him contemplating. Kinda. On you go.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 4: To Decide**

Pain…what a fucked up word. It's funny…people say they hate the pain, the screaming agony they must endure.

Fuck that.

If they ever knew… loss. The absolute emptiness in your chest…

…they don't know what "agony" is.

I'd rather feel pain, than that nothing. The, "nothing at all." I'd sit in my room and I couldn't just let the emptiness take over, it was there, it was…bigger than me. …Always so much stronger. I don't know if or how I'll ever fill the emptiness… because it is so… terrifying. The shivers are my demons stirring beneath my skin, dying to feel the horrors that people can't let themselves be overcome by. Everyone has them…and people enjoy them…until they see what I have seen…

…I'm scared…

What would happen if I let it happen? If I dove into the nothing, let the nothing take over? I can feel it…I feel it every day. I knew Sasuke mattered the day I was standing above him, and I was so scared… but I let it happen. I thought he was gone… he was all I could understand. **_Sasuke is gone. _**I just didn't care anymore. You never know what you had, and how much it mattered until it's gone.

Later, I started having the nightmares, more now, with Sasuke. I started to realize how important he was to me… and what I always had to do. Love was a word I wasn't allowed to think. So, I had a defensive barrier for it.

**What do I do now Sasuke? What do I do?**

**I was sacrificing myself for Sasuke…I am always in the way. He runs to me, as I'm falling backwards, and grabs my hand. I yell at him to let go. Then he is suddenly the one at the cliff, and I was holding him back. I couldn't speak, the words in my head was overwhelming! **

**I was whispering to myself…"Anyone but you. Anyone but you…anyone butyou anyonebut you anyonebutyouanyonebutyou,don'tgoSasukeplease… **

**You're all that matters."**

**He was throwing himself off that cliff, and I grabbed him, and would not let go. "I can't lose you…" He wasn't listening to my stream of words, but kept mumbling to himself, that they "had to speak, the silence is choking my air…" and he jumped off that cliff, and I grabbed sweaty hands to his shirt and he yelled at me.**

**"Naruto?"**

**He sounded so…confused… but I wasn't… it was so clear. It was like he didn't know who I was… and he desperately wanted "out" on everything. The ground was coming fast, and it was a short cliff.**

**I rolled our bodies so that I was on bottom, and he stared at me, just looked at me, and I smiled the only real smile I could smile. And I hugged him as I relaxed for the impact. "I'm sorry…" I whispered harshly. "I can't let you die.**

**I Relaxed for my small, yet ultimate sacrifice.**

And then I woke up…wondering only one panicked thought every time…

_Did I save him?_

I never told anyone… that I never totally lost control. I lost it, succumbed, when he was gone. Every night, sometimes days…I did whatever I could to help myself…

…keep my heart beating.

He was my anchor… I knew, no matter how cold he was… he had the… "Nothing." too. The "absolute" agony. I watched Sasuke, from then on, just… saw him. I'd like to think I did. I saw his pain, his… sadness. It is absolute. I could see it when we spar…when he would look at me, and someone would mention his brother.

Whenever someone mentioned his brother he would look at his hands, or stare at a wall. Anywhere no one could see his eyes. Then one day, he looked at me, what I think was a mistake. After a while, he would automatically glance up, and let it wash over me.

_In_ me.

_**He didn't "want" to kill his brother.**_

_**He actually tried to…kill him…**_

_**I heard him say it in his sleep…it was so child-like and alone…**_

I went home and "released" in some way every night. Whatever it took…I did it all.

Even things with other people.

Whatever made me forget…

I watched his agony, and… there was something in the way… I've never felt myself feel that way. I knew I loved him, the day I watched his pain, and, he made my heart and sole ache. I wanted nothing more than give everything up for him so he would feel what he deserves.

Something in the way…

Love. Even if it's not from me. I'm sorry I am the way I am…

It… it can't ever be from me. I know that now. I can't heal his heart… no matter how much I love him. I am a demon, a male. Stained, broken, and worthless… but Sasuke… I can't let go until I know you are okay…

…or until I break.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**"I'll step over the edge, won't say goodbye…**_

_**Just promise you'll never cry…"**_

Everything was hard, and my whole body seemed to ache. My muscles where incredibly stiff, and I was curled into a ball. I knew I hadn't had very much sleep, the air smelled like it does before dawn. I realized, not opening my eyes… this wasn't my room… I stilled my whole body, and listened and desperately tried to remember what happened.

"Ah…" I mumbled, when I realized what had happened and I came here on my own accord. I opened my eyes slowly, to the darkness of early dawn. I felt my face with my lightly callused hands, tears halfway dried. I licked my dry lips, and could taste my salty tears.

"Fuck." I looked around, and slowly stretched out my sore body. Then it struck me. _Sasuke KNOWS… does he know? Does he care? _I whimpered slightly, and put my head in my hands, my hair laced through my fingers, and fisted it. "Stop…thinking…" _He doesn't… no one can know! They don't know…they don't know, they don't know… _

I repeated it, over and over in my head, convincing myself. Well…covering it. My defense mechanism… I didn't realize it…not really, but it was killing me. "It is killing me…" When everyone says you're a monster, you hear it so much, you let yourself believe it…when everyone says you are alright, just loud, and desperate for attention…

Eventually, you let yourself believe it.

But no matter what, the pain is still there. Always there…

I pet my hair lightly, and rocked back and forth slightly. _The mother I never had is me…the comfort…it only works really when you are younger…_

_But when you are younger you shouldn't have a reason to do it…_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dobe."

Sasuke always thought since he was little,

"Never live, never die

Never smile, never cry

I won't look back, and take away what should be gone

Because in the end all you are is all alone."

He had written it, after he had seen his family die, on his next birthday. He had hummed it to himself, as he sat alone in his room. _Always alone…_ Sasuke had never told anyone, but he didn't kill Itachi.

_**They had fought, until the edge of the cliff, a waterfall, in the rain. The roar had taken away everything else. Sasuke only realized he was crying when Sasuke heard Itachi say, "Sasuke…" he looked away. "You don't deserve to kill me Sasuke."**_

_**"And they didn't deserve to die…and now I don't deserve to live." He stepped closer to Sasuke, away from the cliff, and Sasuke didn't move, he kept crying. It's not worth it…none of it was worth it. **_

_**"You never taste happiness in perfection.**_

_**You never feel whole with revenge.**_

_**Only loss, Sasuke. Only loss."**_

_**Then Itachi kissed him on the lips softly, and said softly…**_

_**"I love you Sasuke.**_

_**Happy Birthday."**_

Itachi committed suicide on that cliff. Harikari… and Itachi…had never seemed more noble.

When Sasuke had gotten back, injured and emotionally scarred, Orochimaru had then announced to him he belonged to him. When Sasuke told him there was nothing to own, he killed him in defense. Death never solved anything for Sasuke anymore. It only made a different kind of agony.

All Sasuke knew was he was never happy.

…And incredibly weak and alone…

But now as Sasuke stood staring at the Hokage monuments at the edge of the cliff he knew it still mattered. Except now…

He knew leaving wasn't worth it…and he only needed his special person.

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	5. To Be Happy, To Be Numb

**Story:** **After All, What is a Whore?**

**Rated:** T for language and thoughts and actions of over all self harm. These chapters' may be soon borderline M for self harm. Just warning ya.

**Chapter 5**: **To Be Happy**

**Note:** I'm sorry, I have serious problems, and this is disgustingly short, but I had to end it there. Next chapter soon?

* * *

You know, I never really understood what it meant to be heart broken. I would read romance novels, full of angst, because I was addicted to it, I would start shivering in the night, out of control, holding my chest to keep myself together. I've always thought that shivers are what you have when something happens that stirs your inner demons, struggling beneath the surface of your skin. So when that happened, when I fell apart in the night, I would be accepting that I was really a demon, and there was nothing I could do. 

I'm actually very selfish. I sometimes even think I'm past happiness, until I knew for sure, when Sasuke was gone. Everyone seemed more aware of me, and I felt what I thought was happiness, my friends around at all times, it wasn't until the dreams got worse and I realized how much I cared for Sasuke that I understood why they never seemed to come into focus, why they where around all the time. I couldn't even be happy without him. I was numb, and the happiness I had with him was unrealized until I couldn't have it anymore.

I know I'm selfish because of all the romance/angst novels I read, you'll never see them, I always threw them into a fire, or ripped them to peaces, because they seemed to get better after being heart broken, 'getting over it.' I couldn't stand it.

You don't get fucking 'better.'

* * *

I woke up to my body shivering violently again, repeating one phrase in my head that I said before my sacrifice, falling from that edge, and my small smile, and his empty eyes, trapping me. 

"You're so much better than me Sasuke."

I shoved my fist in my mouth to silence my scream.

* * *

My feet hit the soft, dewy morning grass, as I swiftly leapt into another tree. My soft ebony eyes closed as I tried to sense his chakra again. There was a sudden spike from my sharp left, and then it disappeared again. I turned quickly, and leapt to it, scaring birds from a tree as I tore through it. 

I dropped suddenly in the air and landed on hard rock instead of grass. It turned to see a cave that was pitch black and menacing. I could feel the cold hitting my back in waves, yet there was a soft heat inside. As I stared, getting angrier and more frustrated with the constant panic, a figure came sharply into view as I heard muffled crying, and a shaking person's shadow on the floor. I rushed forward quickly, and knelt by it, to find terrified, almost animalistic blue eyes staring into mine. "Sasuke," Naruto whimpered.

"Naruto," I sighed, relief sweeping through me only to find worry again. My voice grew stern. _I'm so fucking worried…I have to calm down dammit! _"What's wrong with you?"

He flinched away from me, and I felt horrible immediately. I sighed again; _I have to calm him down. _I reached my hand out and he flinched again, and ducked his head. I frowned, _Wait, what?_ I reached my hands under him to feel him trembling. A frown on my face, I felt him for injuries. Seeing that he _seemed_ fine, I slowly picked him up from the floor, shocked at how light and skinny he was. _That's…not healthy…_ I cradled him to my chest, guilt flooding me. _He must be freezing…I should have brought a blanket…and look at him! How could I have not noticed this? _

I held him closer, and my heart panged when he latched onto me. I blinked my eyes, and bit my lip, trying not to fall apart. _This isn't how it should be Naruto…_

I swallowed and didn't notice through my tears and the soft thumping of my running feet that he had stopped shivering.

* * *

"Sasuke," I mumbled, my eyes opening to soft light that hurt my eyes. I was in my room. 

I was entirely alone.

My eyes couldn't seem to focus, and I closed my eyes.

I grabbed for my bottle of Robitussin, to find it wasn't there. I then reached under my pillow for my pocket knife instead.

I dreamed I wasn't me.

* * *

-ami


	6. To Freeze

**Story:** **After All, What is a Whore?**

**Rated:** T for language and thoughts and actions of over all self harm. These chapters' may be soon borderline M for self harm. Just warning ya.

**Chapter 6**: **To Freeze**

**Notes:** Hahaha! Two chapters in ONE DAY! That makes up for the gap right...? -sweatdrops as people roll eyes- Well...they are short, but...oh well. I think this will finish in two chapters. At the most. I'm sick. So sick...I feel like i could throw up...So i've been doing this instead of school. :D All day. I feel really bad for the delay. I hope you like this chapter, it gets lighter at the end. So it COULD be a happy ending. Hm. -grin- Well, read and review please!

**

* * *

**

The first thing I noticed was the silence. My heart beat wasn't even there. I waited and waited, and soon realized I couldn't feel my legs. Everything seemed soft, and I couldn't focus my eyes through the soft light.

I couldn't bring myself to care.

* * *

I woke again what felt like later in the day. I slowly began to feel myself breathing, but what woke me was the cold. The cold. 

Sasuke.

Everything slammed into my memory at once, and I could only hear the scream of metal and pavement.

Then I was left with the harsh breathing and the silence. I only realized it was me breathing a few minutes later, the silence seemingly expanding in my brain.

I then became conscious of cold metal in my hand. My arm itched. I realized it was my pocket knife.

I breathed slowly again.

I dreamed of silence and metal pressed against my body. I couldn't remember my name.

* * *

I could feel everything. I remembered I had to breathe. I remembered sleep. I remembered the hospital. I felt Sasuke. I remembered the cold. 

Then I remembered my mother.

It was sick really. I can remember my mother because of the nine-tailed fox I think. I remember her mouth, she loved to kiss my cheek. But what is strange, and probably twisted in a strange way, was the cold. My mother was cold, and it made me warm, almost, in a comforting way.

Sasuke was cold like that.

I stood suddenly, and walked across the floor, and kept walking even as the dizziness hit me, almost hitting the floor. I pushed my self through the doorway, and stumbled down the short hallway, into the bathroom. The small home (if you could call it that) seemed too hot, like the heat after sundown from a hot day. I felt boiling. I turned on the tub, and the shower head turned on furiously. It was the only thing that worked. I had never taken a bath in my house before. The cold turned all the way on, I stepped into the shower, fully clothed and sat on the bottom of the tub. I put my head in-between my knees, and wrapped my arms around my knees. I could feel my caked on blood washing off my arms.

I couldn't tell if I was crying.

The sound of knocking on the door didn't register until my water went out. By then they where pounding.

I wondered how long I had sat there. My thoughts didn't even register the question though.

I stood up, and stumbled down the short stairs. I didn't expect that someone would actually _be there,_ like I had imagined it. Kakashi seemed to look more concerned when he saw my shock. "Naruto?"

"Huh?" My voice cracked.

"Shit Naruto, you're soaking wet," the exclamation wasn't in the volume of his voice, but the way he said it.

"I am?" My voice was horse, but I could only feel my dizziness. _Why the fuck can't I focus?_

"Sasuke told me you just seemed exhausted not soaking wet." He sounded angry. I didn't feel myself flinch at Sasuke's name.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, not sure what I was sorry for, but later realized I was sorry for just being me again.

"He wasn't!" I turned to feel a wave of nausea as I stared at Sasuke, looking worried again. _I just make people worry. _

"Sorry," My voice sounded stuffy, like I was yawning.

I then passed out, falling into Kakashi's strength.

* * *

_This is getting repetitive_. I stared at my ceiling. _I'm so weak I can't even… _I sneezed. _Oh, I'm sick, or whatever. _I sighed, then flinched, remembering Sasuke's sigh. _He sounded so annoyed…_

"Naruto?" I jumped, my door opening, my numb feeling in my heart immediately gone. My heart beat sped up, and I just stared open mouthed at Sasuke at my doorway. It really was that strange.

He stared at me wide eyed, very, O.O "What?"

I giggled a little. He's so cute.

He made his way towards my bed, and his eyes softened when he heard me giggle. I looked at what he was holding and jumped when I realized it was soup. Ramen.

I grinned at it, my mouth hurting a little, but it made my heart bitterly sweet feeling. It was real and that was all that mattered. He stood there for a minute, and it struck me how cliché this was. My eyebrow twitched a little.

He stared at my little table with my clock taking up the whole thing. It was a tiny table. I glanced at the ramen, the table and then Sasuke. I put it together and blushed embarrassed. "Oh. Sorry, I'll um, come down and eat…" I was seriously embarrassed… He'd been in my house…he must pity me or something…

"No. You are sick, you'll eat here." He seemed to frown at my clock. _What did it ever do to him?_ He looked up at me, and I stared into his eyes. It started to rain softly, and I couldn't breathe as I stared at him, and his eyes, completely open to me.

"You're beautiful."

* * *

Note: Cliff hanger! haha! -sweet smile-

-ami


	7. To Be Selfish

**Story:** **After All, What is a Whore?**

**Rated:** M! BECAUSE I SAY SO!

**Chapter 7**: **To Be Selfish**

**A/N: **Do yourself a favor: totally forget the original Naruto plot line thing okay? Not like no one else has screwed with it before! OMG. This one is so SHORT. SORRY!!! Next chapter is LAST. Promise!!! Thank you, to the bottom of my heart, for reading this far. I love you.

I always wondered, what is the difference between people who cut words into their arms, and people who cut straight lines? I've always wondered. Maybe that's it, the thinking, pondering. Wondering. Do they try to forget things, while the people who cut words, letters, names, etc., do they try to understand what they are, life other people?

I've always thought that the words that are most important are the ones that never go away. They drift off, they make sense but they come back. Like friends, or like those who you love. They matter most if they never truly leave you. Not in there hearts, even if they try to protect you with their absence.

I think people are selfish things. Be selfish together. I'll die happy if you please just give in.

---

_There's nothing to see here people keep moving on_

_Slowly their necks turn and then they're gone_

_No one cares when the show is done_

_Standing in line and it's cold and you want to go_

_Remember a joke so you turn around_

_There's no one to listen so you laugh by yourself_

_I heard it's cold out, but her popsicle melts_

_She's in the bathroom, she pleasures herself_

_Say's I'm a bad man, she's locking me out_

_It's cause of these things, its cause of these things_

_Lets make a fast plan, watch it burn to the ground_

_I try to whisper, so no one figures it out_

_I'm not a bad man, I'm just overwhelmed_

_It's cause of these things, it's cause of these things_

_The crowd on the street walk slowly don't mind the rain_

_Lovers hold hands to numb the pain_

_Gripping tightly to something they'll never own_

_And those by themselves by choice or by some reward_

_No mistakes only now you're bored_

_This is the time of your life but you just can't tell._

_---_

_Sasuke is selfish. Naruto doesn't understand. He wants to be selfish with him. He touches him. Arms. Wall. Sasuke's arm. Naruto's arm. Kisses. Holding. Words. Bonds. Bad man. Locking me out. Rain. Don't wanna be me._

I step off the bed. Do not look him in the eyes.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyeseyeseyes…

I speak. I push.

"I think it hurts worse only because I realize how _missing_ this all is. How, this all just so monotonous, but people make the best of it. I'm tired. So _tired_ Sasuke…" I pushed him farther back, his shoulder blades bumping softly against the wall. I couldn't see his eyes but I could feel my ache, my sadness, falling down my soft skin. Sliding along my chin, neck.

"'_…and the blood of you shall be spilt and wash away your sins. Don't die in peace; die in agony, like the damned spirit you are…'_" I quoted softly. My face was blank, my whole body dull. I turned softly and pressed my light weight against him. His arms did not embrace me but I could feel the pressure of his cheek on my blonde head.

"Naruto…" his voice reached my ears quietly.

"It was what a villager told me. He was waiting for me, in my 'house'. He had said _'just get what you deserve.' 'My daughter cries, day and night, just from seeing you alive. She still blames you…for killing her husband and daughter.' _

I could feel his frown. "You must know by now, that I am the Kyuubi." Then I smiled a soft sad smile. I whisper. "You silly boy."

He shifted slightly and I could feel his surprise. _So much for being a fucking genius._ He made an action that was an intention to move. Without turning or looking up I pressed his arms against the wall, keeping him still.

"What's funny about it," I said quietly still, with a tad of humor in it, "is that I had been a little surprised at first. But then I walked over, and asked him please kill me, and make it hurt. I had gotten on my knees, and bowed my head before him, waiting for someone to finally throw a fatal stone." I closed my eyes, my smile still there.

"He tortured me within an inch of life, and then he asked me quiet suddenly, if I loved anyone. If I, _'the Kyuubi, was _capable of love. I told him I was, and for the first time I cried. Then begged him to kill me." I felt more surprise, and my voice, softer still, continued. I pressed a little harder against his arms.

"He then said, _'if you really want death, ask the person you love to kill you_.'" I made an amused noise. "'_…for no one can love the holder of the Kyuubi_.' I'm still not sure if he wanted me to suffer more or if he just couldn't kill me. Soon after he left, someone found me, and told me you had returned. On your own. With the body of Orochimaru."

I had made everyone promise not to tell him. Like he needed to know.

There was silence, and the rain fell.

"…Sasuke…" a whisper.

I pulled slowly away.

"I'm very lucky the person I love has the will to kill me." I smiled, looking him finally in the eyes.

I fell to my knees. "…please?"

Just the rain.

---


	8. To Forget

**Story:** **After All, What is a Whore?**

**Rated:** M! BECAUSE I SAY SO!

**Chapter 8**: **To Bleed**

**A/N: **Well. Welly welly welly well. LAST CHAPTAH!!! FINALLY. OMFG.

…lol anyways…wow. I bet tons of you never thought you'd actually see the freaking ending! LOL I defy the odds eh? Enjoy! And thanks forever and ever and ever for reading.

---

hear the sound  
the angels come screaming  
down your voice  
I hear you've been bleeding

make your choice  
they say you've been pleading  
someone save us

heaven help us now  
come crashing down  
we'll hear the sound  
as you're falling down

I'm at this old hotel  
but can't tell if I've been breathing or sleeping  
or screaming or waiting for the man to call  
and maybe all of the above  
cause mostly I've been sprawled on these cathedral steps  
while spitting out the blood and screaming  
someone save us

heaven help us now  
come crashing down  
we'll hear the sound  
as you're falling down

and will you pray for me?  
or make a saint of me?  
and will you lay for me?  
or make saint?

cause I'll give you all the nails you need  
cover me in gasoline  
wipe away those tears of blood again  
and the punch line to the joke is asking  
someone save us

heaven help us now  
come crashing down  
we'll hear the sound  
as you fall

and would you pray for me?  
(you don't know a thing about my sins)  
(how the misery begins)  
or make a saint of me?  
(you don't know)  
(so I'm burning, I'm burning)  
and will you lay for me?  
(you don't know a thing about my sins)  
(how the misery begins)  
or make a saint?  
(you don't know)  
(cause I'm burning, I'm burning)

cause I'll give you all the nails you need  
(I'm burning, I'm burning again)  
cover me in gasoline again

---

There was soft silence. Wasn't he listening?

"…Sasuke?" I looked up, still smiling, feeling empty except a slight numb absence of pain and relief. If anyone can forget about me, it'd be Sasuke.

I cocked my head to the side. "Sasuke? Just kill me so you forget me okay? Okay?"

My eyesight was flawing, from actual ailment or mentally refusing to see him, I wasn't sure.

Or maybe it was just tears.

"Sasuke?" he was refusing to answer me. I remember. I am too worthless for his words.

_That means I should not dirty his hands with my blood…what was I thinking?_

"…oh, Sasuke I shouldn't have asked this of you. Dirtying your hands of me…what was I thinking? I-"

"Naruto." His voice cracked but I couldn't see his face. _Sasuke?_

What was wrong? I was messing things up again?

"Naruto, how could you ever let them make you think you didn't deserve living? That you deserved to_ die?_"

Something faltered in me. _What? What am I missing?_

"What…? What do you mean?" my voice had cracked and I was worried again._ No. He's lying. He doesn't care…!_

His eyes suddenly connected with mine. His eyes were so _pained,_ what was wrong? Sasuke didn't deserve such pain!

"Sasuke? Sasuke?" my shaky voice whimpered. I couldn't take this! Why would he do such a thing to me? "Don't do this to me Sasuke!" I started breathing harshly.

No.

Stop.

_STOP…_

"Naruto…" he had been leaning in a slightly collapsed position, and started to reach for me.

I shoved myself backwards. No. Nononononono…

I stumbled up on empty body, hitting my side into my nightstand, then stumbling shakily passed him down the stair. I tumbled slightly, hitting the front door running.

Nononononononono………..

My bare foot hit slick stone, and I stumbled finally, falling on hands and knees, a couple rocks hitting my skin harsher than others.

Diediedieidiediedie…

I felt the wait of another beside me, not uncomfortably, but noticeable. His face pressed against my jaw.

"Naruto…" he spoke my name once again. I hated saying my name. People hated hearing it. Then why did he say it so much…?

I let out a gravely moan/growl and felt the rain running over my cheeks.

"How long have you been picking yourself apart?"

I ground my hands purposefully against the gravel and then pushed myself forward, until I could slide, my back in wet grass.

"Not long enough apparently."

He slid his body until he had his upper body curled over my head, and placed my cheek in his palm. He felt cold.

Beautiful.

I couldn't stop myself.

"I love you."

"I know."

With all my love for him, I couldn't not tell him. I would force him to be with me.

"I love you too," he whispered.

"Don't lie." I whispered away his words.

What I wished was rain pricked my eyes.

My heart hurt so badly.

I could never,I knew, right then, get rid of that feeling forever.

Love was never meant for me…so I'll take it.

"I would only lie to make you happy."

He then reached down and brought both my wrists up to his mouth. He didn't kiss them. He took his teeth and bit me, sharply, sending a wave of deja-vu through me. His teeth seemed to caress my scars, then he slid his arm covers down, and I was shocked too see

Countless faded and knew scars maiming his beautiful skin. He had slit in the scar that stated simply,

SASUKE

Then he slit his own wrist, where an identically placed name was.

NARUTO

It was only then that I sobbed openly, as our blood mixed together, and my jaw ached like it was going to fall off.

Then I whispered.

"I love you so much."

He looked up and me, a sliver of blood running down his neck and jaw.

A smile.

I know.

Owari.


End file.
